Shame & Internalized Emotions in Autism: How to Support Emotional Expression

Many emotions are expressed outwardly through words, facial expressions, or behavior. Others remain hidden, felt deeply but rarely shared. For autistic individuals, difficulty expressing emotions can lead to those feelings being internalized. Emotions such as shame can cause significant distress for anyone, but it can be particularly difficult for autistic individuals as they may struggle to communicate their feelings, making it harder for them to access support from friends, family, or professionals.

Understanding how shame and internalized emotions may present in autism helps families and caregivers respond with empathy, patience, and support rather than misunderstanding or dismissal.

Understanding Internalized Emotions in Autism

Internalized emotions in autistic individuals refer to feelings that are experienced internally but not easily communicated to others. These emotions may include shame, embarrassment, anxiety, or self-doubt.

Some, but not all, autistic individuals struggle with a condition known as alexithymia. This is a condition where a person has difficulty identifying and describing their emotions. Another reason an autistic person might internalise their emotions rather than express them is that they have learned, through bullying, constant correction, or other social experiences, that certain behaviors or emotional expressions are not acceptable or unwelcome.

When emotions are consistently held inside, they may eventually affect self-esteem, behavior, or emotional well-being.

Masking and Its Emotional Impact

Masking involves suppressing natural behaviors, communication styles, or emotional responses in order to fit social expectations. While masking can sometimes help individuals navigate social environments, it often comes at an emotional cost.

Masking shame, or other negative emotions, to more easily fit in or avoid conflict, can be exhausting and is a common experience for many people on the autism spectrum. Over time, this can lead to:

• Increased emotional exhaustion
• Difficulty identifying authentic emotions
• Heightened anxiety or withdrawal
• Reduced self-confidence

Masking does not mean an individual lacks emotional depth. Rather, it often reflects a strong awareness of social norms and expectations, and the feeling that these expectations cannot be met without suppressing or altering natural ways of communicating and responding.

Emotional Expression in Autism

Emotional expression may differ from typical expectations. Some individuals express emotions through behavior, routine changes, or physical responses rather than words.

Shame may show up as:

• Avoidance of social situations
• Reluctance to try new activities
• Increased perfectionism or rigidity
• Withdrawal following perceived mistakes

Because these signs are subtle, negative internalised emotions can go unnoticed unless caregivers look beyond surface behaviors.

Where Shame Can Come From

Shame often develops when someone repeatedly receives messages that they are doing something wrong or that their natural ways of interacting are unacceptable.

For autistic individuals, shame may stem from:

• Repeated correction of behaviors without explanation
• Negative social experiences or exclusion
• Feeling misunderstood or unsupported
• Struggles with communication that lead to frustration

These experiences can accumulate over time, shaping how individuals view themselves and their emotions.

Supporting Healthy Emotional Awareness

Helping autistic individuals process shame and internalized emotions begins with creating emotional safety. When individuals feel accepted and understood, they are more likely to explore and express their emotions.

Supportive strategies may include:

• Validating feelings without judgment
• Encouraging emotional expression in preferred formats
• Offering clear explanations rather than criticism
• Reinforcing effort and growth rather than perfection
• Modeling self-compassion during mistakes

These approaches help individuals learn that emotions are safe to experience and share.

How ABA Therapy Can Support Emotional Growth

ABA therapy can support emotional development by teaching skills related to self-awareness, coping, and communication. While ABA does not label or treat emotions like shame directly, it can help individuals build tools to manage emotional experiences more effectively.

ABA services may focus on:

• Identifying emotions and body cues
• Teaching coping strategies for emotional discomfort
• Supporting communication around needs and feelings
• Reducing behaviors linked to emotional overload

When therapy is collaborative and respectful, it can support emotional expression while honoring each individual’s unique experiences.

Working Together to Reduce Emotional Burden

Families play a powerful role in shaping how emotions are understood and supported. By responding to mistakes with curiosity rather than criticism, caregivers can help reduce shame and encourage emotional openness.

Consistent support across home and therapy settings allows individuals to build confidence and emotional resilience over time.

When to Seek Additional Support

If internalized emotions begin to affect self-esteem, relationships, or daily functioning, additional support may be helpful. Mental health professionals with experience supporting autistic individuals can provide valuable guidance.

Seeking help is not a sign of failure or weakness. It reflects a commitment to emotional well-being and growth.

Where to Find Support

Shame and internalized emotions often go unseen, but their impact is real. With understanding, patience, and supportive strategies, autistic individuals can learn to express emotions in ways that feel safe and empowering.

If you are supporting an autistic individual and have questions about emotional expression, behavior changes, or self-regulation, Supportive Care ABA is here to help. Contact the team today to learn how personalized ABA services can support emotional growth and overall well-being.

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